This post was originally scheduled to be posted on 7/26/2012
Hotep,
My grandmother’s homegoing took place last Monday (7/19/12). It’s been a rugged transition for the fam. It’s been hard for me, so I can only imagine the anguish my Moms and aunts are experiencing. I was able to speak with Moms the day after my Nana left this realm (7/3/12). Even when my up is down, my spiritual bond with Moms pushes me beyond the limits of the concrete and steel that subdues my physical. And I gotta tell you, blogosphere, the Creator was truly in the midst of our phone connection. Word is bond!
I find it unfortunate that I was unable to console the sisters of Moms and the daughters of Nana: Aunt Lena, Aunt Bunchie, Aunt Dee-Dee and Aunt Nettie. I deeply apologize for not sending out sympathy cards, but the truth is; the state issued cards just can’t express my condolences the way my heart can. Feel me?
This is a grave loss for all of us Fam. No matter how the future pans out for any of us – life is a dead end without family. God owns the day and only God knows my tomorrow, but you can be sure my platinum memories of the fam coming together for holidays, family reunions, graduations and countless church laden events, will continue to grace the existence of a Mann getting away from a loathsome circumstance, by diminishing the primary factors of negativity, through his will to live. Ya heard?
Judgment, disdain and hopelessness are the primary factors of negativity. Together they form a metaphorical collage that would deem me as a lost cause. Imagine that! I’m referred to as a ‘murder’ and a ‘convict’ by some C.Os. I’m harassed daily by a ‘superior’ officer who chooses to refer to me as a ‘loser.’ Real talk.
This is far from family. This is my environment; residents seeking an opportunity to manipulate and authoritative figures throwing their weight, in an attempt to pancake my existence. Na mean?
The loss of Nana is our constant, Fam. I miss her dearly. This post is my commiseration, Fam. Despite my circumstance – I share your pain. I’m tethered to your joys and sorrows. If we continue to reach out to one another; getting away from the emptiness of this heartfelt loss, is only a paragraph away. Feel me? May your beautiful soul rest in peace, Nana.
Stay Up,
MannofStat
Copyright © 2012 by Leroy Elwood Mann
Losing Nana has been a tremendous lose to our family. We must face the fact that our family as a unit will never be the same without her. Thru the last couple of years I have experienced a lot of ups and downs with the family and I can say that no one can hurt you worst than family. There comes a point in time when reaching out becomes pointless. I've been told that the friends that you have in your circle can love and support you better than any family member. And everyday I'm learning that more and more. Don't get me wrong I love my family but losing Nana has made a huge impact on how I see things. I think at times the word family is overrated. Do I sound bitter? Yeah probably, but life and circumstances have made me become that way. You are my uncle and the love that I have for you will never change because the matriarch of OUR family won't tolerate anything different. My grandmother is a strong woman and she believes in family and that is why our small branch on the big tree is as strong as it is. You can't do nothing but have respect for that. But I must admit the one good thing that has come out of the passing of Nana is that it has tighten the bond that I have with some family members that NO ONE will break. And its a same that it took her passing for that to happen. But like they say everything happens for a reason. I pray to God to take the bitterness out of my heart but until then I'm going to continue to live for me and mines.
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