Deep Waters

Hotep, 

Three years of cruising the Pacific Ocean doesn’t come without its share of glorious memories.  Flying fish skipping across the calm waters just before sunrise, dolphins swimming alongside the ship throughout the day, but nightfall is when the ocean reveals its true identity.

Being in the middle of the Pacific Ocean at night can be a daunting experience for someone that fears the unknown, but I always found comfort in walking the flight deck of the ship at night.  It was truly a gift to witness the reflection of a full moon dancing with the unknown while acting as nature’s night light.

This experience would instill a sense of calm within me at the end of a hectic day.  The turbulent waters beneath my feet possessed unlimited amounts of danger, no doubt, but the deep waters have been a constant in my life.  Na mean?

Life on death row is hectic.  The commonality of ignorance, envy and personal insecurities breeds a daily dosage of chaos.  At times, you have to wonder if your battle is exclusively with the state.  Sometime minding your own business just isn’t enough.  Envy is always in the midst.  The insecurities of others won’t condone your abilities to relate and get along with everybody.  And, the ignorance will always be awaiting you when your name isn’t included in the day’s mail call, when your visit is cancelled or when your appeal has been denied.  Feel me?

Tour groups are permitted inside of the death row facility.  Sometimes I watch the faces of the tourists that view us like aquatic mammals at Sea World.  Some of these tourists point and whisper as the tour guide boasts about the integrity of this $20 million facility.  The disdainful body language can dehumanize the best of us.  Word is bond.

I’m a human being trying to swim to the surface.  The tourist can’t see this because they’re blinded by the ignorance, envy and personal insecurities that surround me, from day to day.  Na mean?  The turbulence of the deep waters makes it hard to stay afloat.  Recently, an officer said to me, “You’re on my time.”  I’ve been behind the wall for nearly 16 years, but I’m on his time?  Wow! Who knew?

It’s all good Mr. Officer.  I’m swimming in the wake of the recently upheld ruling on the Racial Justice Act.  So, your deep waters can’t take me under because my aspirations of freedom keep my head above the surface.  Ya heard?

Keep it 100,

MannofStat

Copyright © 2011 by Leroy Elwood Mann