My Son

Hotep,

I was four years old the last time I heard my dad’s voice.  The distinct gruffness of his vocals would be no more.  But, through my dreams, I could still hear him, “That’s my Lil’ Mann right there.  C’mere Lil’ Mann, give Daddy a kiss boaw.”

As I grew older his voice acted as my conscience, I guess that had everything to do with Moms always reminding me how disappointed my dad would have been, whenever I screwed up.

I often wonder, what type of dreams did My Son have as a child.  Was my voice a part of those dreams?  I wondered if he could hear my pride, as he recited two of my favorite songs – over the phone – when he was barely three:

“Give me the microphone first, so I can burst like a bubble,

 Compton and Long Beach together now you know you in trouble.

Ain’t nothing but a G thang baby.”

“Just waking up in the morning, gotta thank God. 

I don’t know, but today seems kind of odd.

No barking from the dog, no smog, and

Mama cooked the breakfast with no hog.”

I wondered if his dreams relayed my pain when I stared into his familiar brown eyes, through a stained Plexiglas partition, which forbade me from squeezing a nose that once belonged to me.

If My Son saw me in his dreams, was I the monster who neglected him, or the troubled father who longed for his only son’s love?

My Son!, the greatest gift that God has given to me.  My many years of being away have given me so much to say.  Although I wonder, what is appropriate to ask, when I’ve been absent for so long?

            ‘How old were you when you lost your virginity?

            And did you use a condom?

            When did you have your first drink?

            Is it something you’ve come to regret?

As a father, I would ask these questions out of concern for my son.  As a fellow Mann, I simply want to swap war stories.  Despite the distance between us, My Son is every bit of me…a much better me.  The evolution of a Mann is My Son.

The only one.

One Mann who makes me a grand, and at the same time, I’m becoming his biggest fan.

There is nothing I could do that would instill a greater sense of pride, than when I was chosen to be one half of making you.

My gift to you?

It is a voice that is far from being an adlib in your dreams.  A voice that will forewarn you of mistakes already made, that do not need to happen again.  Feel me?

A voice that can say, ‘I love you, son’ today, then live to say it again tomorrow and the day after.

I never forget a voice. This is me assuring that My Son will never forget mine.

Much Love,

Dad

Copyright© 2017 by Leroy Elwood Mann