Hotep,
There are distinctive situations where casual conversation
can be an effective method for gauging another person’s state of mind. Right?
Well, in a penitentiary setting, casual conversation is normally a segway
into a prolonged discussion with the likes of someone intent on killing your
time. This brand of inmate is better
known as the “Time Stretcher.” No need to look at your watch because the “Time
Stretcher” makes all time endless. Real
talk.
Just try to imagine being trapped in an elevator with talk
radio Jock, Rush Limbaugh. Okay. Now imagine this same episode and Rush
doesn’t have access to prescription painkillers. That’s the Time Stretcher I’m speaking
of. The conversational lush with the
insatiable appetite for the nearest wandering ear. Na mean?
No matter where you go in the penitentiary (Death Row,
G-Pop, the prison hospital or the Bing) you just can’t escape the verbal
clutches of this vociferous individual.
The Time Stretcher knows no boundaries when it comes to the dismal
practices of complaining about the obvious.
SMH.
The Time Stretcher will complain about the frigid
temperatures during the winter months.
Then turn around and complain to the unit manager about the heat being
too high. The Time Stretcher constantly
bickers with others concerning television programming. He/she will even have the audacity to grab
the remote; turn to a specific show; then retire to his/her cell to maybe, read
a book. Or, in some instances; take a
nap – while the television program entertains an empty dayroom. Believe me People, I couldn’t make this stuff
up.
No serving of food is sufficient for the Time
Stretcher. I hear this all of the time:
“These ain’t enough eggs.” “Put my eggs in the big slot” (of the food
tray). Or, the all time classic
complaint about the juice from one food slot bleeding into another. This particular complaint has the potential
to incite a prison riot. I mean, all are
legitimate culinary gripes if you were being served at a local restaurant. Time Stretchers have a tendency to forget
they’re in prison.
It’s always the same people complaining. Sometimes it’s like having a pot dropped over
your head, and a wooden spoon is pounding the rhythm of the Star Spangled
Banner into your ear drums. You know the
tune so well, but you just don’t want to hear it in that capacity. Feel me?
One of the most common traits of the Time Stretcher is a
willingness to share their knowledge of any and everything concerning the
penitentiary. They can tell you how everything
works – from the hydraulic system inside the officer’s control station, to the
water lines running throughout the prison.
If this was the movie, “ShawShank Redemption,” that 411 would probably
be relevant, but since it isn’t; I see it for what it is: simply another way
for the Time Stretcher to become acquainted with your ear canal. SMH
Some Time Stretchers are exclusive with particular cellblocks. Others will leave no eardrum
uninterrupted. Audio terror is what the
Time Stretcher lives for. So, he/she
utilizes the method of “Blockhoppin” (regularly moving from cell block to cell
block) to infect the sound waves of anyone who may not have had the
excruciating experience of being vocally subdued by this particular individual.
You’d have to wonder: what does the Time Stretcher do when
the doors are closed, and the only two ears to burn are their own? I guess they just look forward to the next
day like anyone else in this box. You
may be looking forward to a new day, but the Time Stretcher is looking forward
to feeding on your time. No doubt.
Hold Ya Head,
MannofStat
Copyright © 2013 by Leroy Elwood Mann
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